Faithful to the End

Wow...what just happened? I mean really, what just happened? It all feels like a dream. A dream that I can't wake up from. That's what I said when I found out Terry had died. The way I would lay awake at night, my heart just aching.

It's that's same nightmare again...what just happened?

A nice metaphor came to me recently...it makes sense in my head. It's like everything came crashing down all at once, I couldn't even absorb all that was going on. And now I'm standing here, shaking my head, just staring dumbly at the wreckage. Unsure of what to do. Unsure of how to go on. The pain and sorrow, a companion with whom I've become well-acquainted.

I want to write these thoughts down now. These feelings, these impressions, these heartaches, these longings and questions.

Because, I know, one day I will look back and smile at it. One day I will remember my journey through this valley. I will remember how upset, angry, torn, frustrated, confused, afraid, shaken, overwhelmed, and broken I was...

And I will look back and I will see how incredibly Faithful, Beautiful, Holy, Glorious, and True our God is. I will look back and remember how Jesus took me by the hand and walked with me the entire journey. How He carried me when I could not take another step. I will remember the tears that came in the night...when the pain was so great...I felt I didn't even know how to seek Him anymore. I will remember how it brought me to my knees, crying out for His Love and Comfort and Presence. How my heart began to burn for Him more deeply than I had ever felt before...and the songs I would sing as He filled my heart with Joy and Hope in the midst of that pain and sorrow. Deeper Joy and deeper Hope than I had ever experienced before, than I ever knew was possible. And I will remember how He took me deeper still. How He brought Beauty from ashes.

And He will use me to deliver His Love and Peace and Comfort to the weary and brokenhearted. This He has promised me. And I will trust Him. For He is Faithful and His Love is far greater, far deeper, far wider, far more beautiful...and He is GOOD.

As a deer pant for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me continually,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them into procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, 
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him.
my salvation and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you 
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon
from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves 
have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands His Steadfast Love,
and at night His Song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to the God, my rock:
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me continually,
"Where is your God?"


Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
My Salvation and my God.
 <3 <3 <3
-Psalm 42

This Psalm echoes the cries of my heart. He is Faithful to the End.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
 -Hebrews 10:23