In the Arms of My Dear Savior...

I feel like it's been long enough...I'm weary of being weary. I'm tired of the moments when the pain just washes over me once again, in the moments I least expect. Something sparks a memory, and it reminds me again of what's been lost. The broken hearts of so many...the many lives torn apart by death, by sin, by this tattered ground we walk upon.                                                                                   
Friday night and much of Saturday, I found myself pounded by intense grief, pain, and sorrow once more. And the enemy was whispering lies to my heart relentlessly...lies about my pain and sorrow, lies about my worth, lies about who I am in Christ.  Terrible, terrible lies. And I allowed them to wash over me. Battered by guilt, shame, condemnation, self-pity, thoughts of worthlessness...  

Where Could I Go? - Adie Camp

I am not worthy!! I am not. I am broken and sinful and selfish and torn apart by sin. Deserving of death. And that is the Truth. And yet, the far deeper, more beautiful, redeeming, life-giving Truth is that by the Precious Blood and Sacrifice of Jesus Christ, I am made WHOLE. I am made NEW. I am FORGIVEN. Not by anything I have done, not by anything I could ever do or prove. But because of GRACE. ONLY by the Blood of Jesus. Given by the Grace of God. I am completely undeserving. Completely. And yet He loves me. He created me. He finds me precious and beautiful. He treasures me and rejoices when I look to Him, when I call upon His Name, when I have fellowship with Him. What Love is this? It's beyond anything this earth could ever have to offer us. He unveils His Heart to me and sings to me the song of my heart. He breathes life into me. He transforms me. He invites me in and He delights in me. He speaks His Promises into my life and I am changed. He is near to me. He provides for me. I am not my own. I am not alone. I have been praying to truly know and understand my identity in Him. I am His. His daughter, His beloved. And He is my Savior, my Righteousness, my Life, my Strength, my Song. I will not allow selfish pride and false humility tell me anything different any longer. I will rest in His Truth and His Promises. I am His. Washed by the Precious Blood of Jesus.


At church at River City this morning, we sang this beautiful hymn during communion. After being battered so relentlessly, and so overcome with sorrow, I felt unworthy again to draw near to Him. Fear assailed my heart and grief and mourning hearkened deeper still...

Come Ye Sinners - Scott Krippayne

And once more...He showed me His incredible Faithfulness...His Love...His Love, deeper than I could ever understand, enveloped me and He asked me to rest...to continue to rest in Him and trust in Him with all that I am. In every moment. As I walk through this wilderness...through this storm. He will hold my hand and lead me. He will carry me. He will bring me rest. He will fill my heart with peace, with joy, with hope. Deeper and deeper with Him. And I will rest in the Shelter of His Wings.

Yes. I am torn. I am broken, I am wounded, I am weary. I long to be whole again. I long for what was lost. But nothing is ever truly lost in Him. He will restore. He will renew. Completely. I will one day have fellowship with my loved ones. And we will be together with Him and in Him. There will be a day. He will come in Glory.

And I offer my dear friend to Him...I know that He is faithful and His works are mighty. He is Mighty to Save. He is working on her heart. Prayer is powerful. He is working on her heart and moving in her life. I believe this is true.

He asks me to be patient with myself. He asks me to allow Him to guide me through my days, through my grief and sorrow. Along this path, this winding, narrow road. And He calms my soul. He will mend my broken heart in His Perfect Time. For He is Faithful.

"All who sail the sea of faith, find out before too long, how quickly blue skies can grow dark and gentle winds grow strong. Suddenly fear is like white water pounding on the soul. Still we sail on knowing that our Lord is in control. Sometimes He calms the storm with a whispered peace, be still. He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close, and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm...and other times He calms His child."

Carry Me - Audrey Assad

Psalm 57

57:1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
2  I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
3  He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!

4 My soul is in the midst of lions;
I lie down amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.

5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!

6 They set a net for my steps;
my soul was bowed down.
They dug a pit in my way,
but they have fallen into it themselves.
7  My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make melody!
8 Awake, my glory! [2]
Awake, O harp and lyre!
I will awake the dawn!
9  I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to you among the nations.
10  For your steadfast love is great to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds.

11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!

I Will See Your Glory

"One thing I've really learned...is that prayer really is powerful. It is the moment when hope seems to be the most lost, that God's Glory is most beautifully unveiled. He answers every prayer...in His Perfect Way, in His Perfect Time...even when it seems impossible and hopeless. He specializes in the impossible. And He loves you. You are beautiful and treasured and precious to Him..."

"He will...He really will [answer every prayer]. But sometimes we have to wait...and that is so hard...but He asks us to trust that He will bring beauty from ashes, that He will bring Justice, Grace, Mercy, Light, Peace and Love from the pain and sorrow and brokenness. And it's hard, because the Enemy will pound us down and batter us with doubt, fear, despair,and lies about who we are and who we are meant to be. But His Love is greater...His Love is far more glorious and beautiful...and He is coming for His Bride."

These words...these words were not my own...but they opened my eyes to see the HOPE that has been deepening within me each and every day...even when all I seem to know is sorrow, pain, and brokenness.

There IS Life within me. There is Joy and Hope beyond all that seems to be despair and sadness.

A HOPE and JOY and LIFE and LIGHT and LOVE that is ETERNAL. 

"Surely You are coming quickly for us,
To receive Your glory
Jesus, to claim the earth as Your reward
Holy, in majesty unveiled with angels
And saints You have prepared to
Save us, as You have long since wanted to

And the gates of hell will not prevail

Chorus:
I will see Your glory shining in the heavens
Coming back to reign in the splendor of Your worth
You will be my One thing, I will be Your one dream
Always and forever, heaven here on earth

Fling wide the everlasting doors and shine forth
The veil is ever torn for
All men to see the greatness of Your power
As one we'll lift our voice to sing a new song
Great and marvelous are Your
Works Lord, Your judgments have been manifest


You will be my song in the night
My song in the night, I'm singing
You will be my strength in the fire
My strength in the fire, Lord Jesus."

http://new.music.yahoo.com/tim-reimherr/tracks/i-will-see-your-glory--59856189

1	O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.
2	For thou hast made of a city an heap; of a defenced city a ruin: a palace of strangers to be no city; it shall never be built.
3	Therefore shall the strong people glorify thee, the city of the terrible nations shall fear thee.
4	For thou hast been a strength to the poor, a strength to the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shadow from the heat, when the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.
5	Thou shalt bring down the noise of strangers, as the heat in a dry place; even the heat with the shadow of a cloud: the branch of the terrible ones shall be brought low.
6	And in this mountain shall the LORD of hosts make unto all people a feast of fat things, a feast of wines on the lees, of fat things full of marrow, of wines on the lees well refined.
7	And he will destroy in this mountain the face of the covering cast over all people, and the veil that is spread over all nations.
8	He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.
9	And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the LORD; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.
10	For in this mountain shall the hand of the LORD rest, and Moab shall be trodden down under him, even as straw is trodden down for the dunghill.
11	And he shall spread forth his hands in the midst of them, as he that swimmeth spreadeth forth his hands to swim: and he shall bring down their pride together with the spoils of their hands.
12	And the fortress of the high fort of thy walls shall he bring down, lay low, and bring to the ground, even to the dust.

            -Isaiah 25