Psalm 130
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;
2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.
So often lately, I have been tempted to despair. Five weeks in the wilderness, in the desert, not only in literal terms, but spiritual as well. The lack of rest, the stressful circumstances, the many lost, broken and restless hearts all around me, and the ever-present ache of grief still tearing me apart inside...
At the beginning of the journey, I was able to spend time with Him. As time went on, however, weariness struck and my strength wore thin. At the time I needed Him most, I began to feel far away from Him. My time and energy consumed by projects, assignments, and studying. A sense of failure and despondency plagued my heart...
And so came a downward spiral, in which old fears emerged and the hope and beauty of His Promises forgotten, in the midst of confusion and pain. Present still, but shadowed by the weight of sin, oppression, and overwhelming sorrow.
I wanted to be brave and hold on, but I had been doing that for so long. What of this past winter? In which, every day, I was in a state of survival. Plagued with a depth of pain and sorrow that left me with an aching heart, an inability to remember, focus or concentrate, and my faith tested beyond what I could had ever imagined.
I was so tired of aching.
Run away. Run away.
Run away from the pain.
Into the depths of fear and lies, hopelessness, despondency and
Despair.
...
But the message of Grace runs far deeper...
He met me there. In that place of fear and pain, just as He always does. Slowly, He began to speak to my heart. To whisper His Love and Grace to me, and sing the song of Redemption to my soul. Like a desert flower, beautifully blooming as the rain falls and brings life once more, I responded. His Grace covered me, His Grace reminded me again of the Hope and Promises I have in Him. His Grace has washed the fear and shame away...
And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. -2 Corinthians 12:9
He has gone to the very depths. He walked through all that we have ever walked through. He has known the deepest heartache, sorrow, pain, temptation, abandonment, scorn, and despair. The Man of Sorrows. He carried the weight of all our sin. And He rose in Victory. We are risen with Him.
And we wait for Him, in joyful hope; for His Promises, His Love, His Grace, are unfailing.
Isaiah 35: 1-2
The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands. The desert will sing and shout for joy; it will be as beautiful as the Lebanon Mountains and as fertile as the fields of Carmel and Sharon. Everyone will see the Lord's splendor, see his greatness and power.
