You Build Us Back

I went for a walk this evening. A late winter's walk on our quiet, curving road. The moonlight illuminated the snow and lit my path. As I gazed at the sky, the stars and the clouds came together in a beautiful array. The moon was very bright, and as the clouds closed in, a halo began to surround it. A moondog. Spectacular. I walked on the snow-laden dirt road, singing and thinking and praying and confiding in my God and Savior and Dearest Friend.

I have a harder time finding moments like these in Moorhead, as much as I love it there. I like being home. I like seeing the lake as it begins to open up. Last year I got to watch it open up completely. That was beautiful. I love watching Creation awaken again as Winter melts away to unveil the beauty and newness of Spring. This Winter has been one of the longest I've ever known. The Hope of Spring stirs my heart in ways deeper than I have ever known before...it reminds me so deeply of the Promises we have from our God. Promises of complete renewal, complete redemption, complete restoration. Revelation 21 always comes to mind, especially the first five verses. "Behold, I make all things NEW" -Revelation 21:5 

The Joy of the Resurrection. How Beautiful. 

lemon meringue "pi" :) 

Today was Terry's birthday. He would have been 65. 3/14 and Pi day. He loved math, and he loved pie. Especially lemon meringue. He came to every one of my birthdays. He was always there. He always helped me when I needed to understand something with math, and although I don't remember us eating pie together while we worked on my math homework, I do remember having bread pudding. That was so special. So very special. So very precious. 

We helped Margo clean their house today. We spent all morning together after we cleaned. We had coffee and cookies and laughed and shared memories. So many memories there. I thought of him a lot as I vacuumed. Every corner has a memory. I helped Margo lift something, so she could dust, and she told me that that's what Terry would always do for her. I like being at their house. When I'm there, I miss him so much, but just to be there and missing him...well, I like that better than being anywhere else and missing him.  

It's really nice to write about him. It really helps. The whole reason I started writing this was because I stumbled upon a beautiful song. It was one of those moments when you hear a song that just resonates with your own heart. This may bring me back to the beginning. As I embarked on that beautiful late-winter stroll, I began to pour my heart out to my Savior and Friend. I told Him again of the brokenness that remains, the mangled heart and tattered soul within me. How I just don't understand. How I long for wholeness again. How lost and alone and shaken I feel. That's one thing about death. You become so acutely aware of the consequences of living in a sinful, fallen, broken world. You become so acutely aware of the separation, the isolation, the emptiness, and the brokenness. 

I wrote this earlier this week: When I cry and weep, it is with Hope. I greatly miss my loved ones. I know I will see them again. I know I will be with them again. But right now, I weep for a relationship that is broken, a fellowship that has been broken, for dreams lost...by death, by sin. Because this is not what God Created. Death is the result of sin. Now, my hope is in the Promise that I will see them again. The only beautiful thing about death, is that my loved ones are no longer in this place of suffering and pain and sin, they are with God, in fellowship with Him. And that is my longing too...to be with God, to be with them. To be in fellowship with God alongside them. Eternity was written on our hearts. This weeping and grieving I have is because I am homesick, but I have a Hope deeper than words.

And this Hope is from God. He is Faithful. He is Good. He is Beautiful. And He shall redeem and restore us. He Will Build Us Back. And this song voices and proclaims that most precious Hope. 

¹¹O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.
 ¹²And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones.
 ¹³And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.
-Isaiah 54:11-13