In the Arms of My Dear Savior...

I feel like it's been long enough...I'm weary of being weary. I'm tired of the moments when the pain just washes over me once again, in the moments I least expect. Something sparks a memory, and it reminds me again of what's been lost. The broken hearts of so many...the many lives torn apart by death, by sin, by this tattered ground we walk upon.                                                                                   
Friday night and much of Saturday, I found myself pounded by intense grief, pain, and sorrow once more. And the enemy was whispering lies to my heart relentlessly...lies about my pain and sorrow, lies about my worth, lies about who I am in Christ.  Terrible, terrible lies. And I allowed them to wash over me. Battered by guilt, shame, condemnation, self-pity, thoughts of worthlessness...  

Where Could I Go? - Adie Camp

I am not worthy!! I am not. I am broken and sinful and selfish and torn apart by sin. Deserving of death. And that is the Truth. And yet, the far deeper, more beautiful, redeeming, life-giving Truth is that by the Precious Blood and Sacrifice of Jesus Christ, I am made WHOLE. I am made NEW. I am FORGIVEN. Not by anything I have done, not by anything I could ever do or prove. But because of GRACE. ONLY by the Blood of Jesus. Given by the Grace of God. I am completely undeserving. Completely. And yet He loves me. He created me. He finds me precious and beautiful. He treasures me and rejoices when I look to Him, when I call upon His Name, when I have fellowship with Him. What Love is this? It's beyond anything this earth could ever have to offer us. He unveils His Heart to me and sings to me the song of my heart. He breathes life into me. He transforms me. He invites me in and He delights in me. He speaks His Promises into my life and I am changed. He is near to me. He provides for me. I am not my own. I am not alone. I have been praying to truly know and understand my identity in Him. I am His. His daughter, His beloved. And He is my Savior, my Righteousness, my Life, my Strength, my Song. I will not allow selfish pride and false humility tell me anything different any longer. I will rest in His Truth and His Promises. I am His. Washed by the Precious Blood of Jesus.


At church at River City this morning, we sang this beautiful hymn during communion. After being battered so relentlessly, and so overcome with sorrow, I felt unworthy again to draw near to Him. Fear assailed my heart and grief and mourning hearkened deeper still...

Come Ye Sinners - Scott Krippayne

And once more...He showed me His incredible Faithfulness...His Love...His Love, deeper than I could ever understand, enveloped me and He asked me to rest...to continue to rest in Him and trust in Him with all that I am. In every moment. As I walk through this wilderness...through this storm. He will hold my hand and lead me. He will carry me. He will bring me rest. He will fill my heart with peace, with joy, with hope. Deeper and deeper with Him. And I will rest in the Shelter of His Wings.

Yes. I am torn. I am broken, I am wounded, I am weary. I long to be whole again. I long for what was lost. But nothing is ever truly lost in Him. He will restore. He will renew. Completely. I will one day have fellowship with my loved ones. And we will be together with Him and in Him. There will be a day. He will come in Glory.

And I offer my dear friend to Him...I know that He is faithful and His works are mighty. He is Mighty to Save. He is working on her heart. Prayer is powerful. He is working on her heart and moving in her life. I believe this is true.

He asks me to be patient with myself. He asks me to allow Him to guide me through my days, through my grief and sorrow. Along this path, this winding, narrow road. And He calms my soul. He will mend my broken heart in His Perfect Time. For He is Faithful.

"All who sail the sea of faith, find out before too long, how quickly blue skies can grow dark and gentle winds grow strong. Suddenly fear is like white water pounding on the soul. Still we sail on knowing that our Lord is in control. Sometimes He calms the storm with a whispered peace, be still. He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close, and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes He calms the storm...and other times He calms His child."

Carry Me - Audrey Assad

Psalm 57

57:1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
2  I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
3  He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!

4 My soul is in the midst of lions;
I lie down amid fiery beasts—
the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.

5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!

6 They set a net for my steps;
my soul was bowed down.
They dug a pit in my way,
but they have fallen into it themselves.
7  My heart is steadfast, O God,
my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make melody!
8 Awake, my glory! [2]
Awake, O harp and lyre!
I will awake the dawn!
9  I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to you among the nations.
10  For your steadfast love is great to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds.

11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!