Mourn deeply

Mourn deeply… | Jesus Needs New PR

I stumbled upon this tonight. I can't describe how beautiful, validating, and affirming every word is to me. It was such a deep, deep blessing to read this vulnerable, raw expression written in the midst of a person's deep heartache, grief and mourning.

I will quote a part of it...

"This morning I woke up numb. My soul knows there’s something happening but it’s having a hard time feeling what’s happening. And I want to feel this.

I must feel this. Those of us who know and love Sara must mourn this completely.

Oh, I’ll be thrilled for Sara. No pain. No shots. No drugs. No questions.

Physically whole.

Spiritually whole.

But for us. We must mourn when it’s time to mourn. That’s one thing I feel like many of us who are Christians don’t know how to do: We don’t know how to mourn. We fear being sad. Deeply sad. We too often and too quickly jump to a rejoicing and celebrating and we don’t let our wounds open wide enough for grace and hope to seep inside…

And we all mourn in different ways and at different paces. And we can’t rush our soul’s ache. And we can’t rush another soul’s ache.

So when the time comes, mourn deeply. Choose to mourn deeply.

Because before we can choose joy, and Sara desires for us to choose joy, we must choose to mourn. We must choose to weep. We must choose to heal.

And then.

When it’s time. When our souls become filled up again, mostly whole again.

…then.

Joy becomes a choice.

And we will be healthy enough…

…full enough…

…hopeful enough…

to choose it."

That's how I feel. Right now. How I have felt for months...and for a time before that, too. 

Because the RAIN. KEEPS. FALLING.

and my heart keeps aching.

And "goodbye" is the hardest thing.

And as deep, deep, deep as we ache right now...we know He is with us. And He has so much to unveil to us...of His Heart for us...and how that ignites the deepest longings of our own hearts.

And the PROMISES. The ENCOUNTER. 

NOTHING compares to knowing Him. NOTHING. 

I've honestly never cried so hard. I mean...the noises that come from you...those deep, loud, grievous sobs that well up inside you and surprise you...because they are so heartache and agony-filled. They are so deep. They have cut so deep. They are so raw. So there. So sharp and poignant.  

And He finds them to be so, so beautiful. Which is strange for me. Because to me they seem so ugly, so scary, so out of control. But I'm starting to see how beautiful they are. Because I'm letting Him in...to those deep, dark depths...I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable, deeply vulnerable...I am allowing myself to feel and experience and know the pain that dwells deep, deep, deep inside.

And...He meets me there.

I have said many times that I have never known such pain or heartache before...

but I have never known such HOPE and PEACE and GRACE and LIFE and LOVE before either...

it's strange how those two can abide together...

I long for Heaven...for Jesus...for that Day to come...more deeply than anything.